New Year, New Me?; Scratch That; New Year, Better Me?; Nope, Don't Like That Either; New Year, Lets Show the World I Am Awesome; Yeah, I Like That!

Welcome 2018!!!! So nuts that you are here.   And with a new year comes all the wonderful posts....

Which I have a problem with. Not just a little problem, but a big problem.  Why do you have to be new?  What is wrong with the current version of you?  Now, granted, there may be some things wrong with the current version of you (medical, personality, etc etc) but if you are a person I know and I keep you in my life, there is nothing wrong with you and there is no need to become a "new" version of yourself.  I don't plan on being a new version of myself.  Why? Because I have come to the conclusion that most days, I am pretty fucking awesome and unless I can become awesomer, I don't want to change.  And it took a very long time to get to this stage. 

Sure I have some intentions to fulfill this year, those being the following:

• find a psych job 
• find a good therapist 
• do more blogging 
• get back into reading 
• do more journaling/tarot card reading 
• send more happy mail to people 

And the typical eat more healthy/put more exercise in the daily routine but those aren't even on my list because I am totally okay if I don't put those in my daily routines.  I want to do more things that put a smile on my face and makes me happy.  I won't like - 2017 kind of sucked between the concussion and the appendix and just everything else.  And when I did have moments to myself, I felt like I should be doing other things.  Well not this year life - this year I am doing things for myself.  First and foremost - finding a psych job.  It took a back burner near the end of 2017 as I was finding my hair falling out due to stress of life and decided I wanted to keep my hair and something other than my hair had to give so I stopped.  But I have a hair appointment on Thursday that will hopefully make me feel like I have the hair situation under control so I can start the job hunt again.  I miss doing therapy.  I loved doing therapy.  I felt like I was awesome doing therapy.  And I want to keep being awesome.  So, if doing therapy = being awesome, finding a job doing therapy is what is top of my list.  

But in all honesty, why do people feel the need to have a new them come the new year?  How many "new us's" do we have? Is it like a cat and we have 9 "us's"? And how much can we change before we lose other elements of ourselves?  I think that is where some people struggle.  I have known some people who didn't need to lose weight and decided that they needed to so they did (wonderful - great - I really wish I had their determination and focus on that).  But when they did, their personality changed and their attitude changed.  And I ended up not wanting to hang out with them anymore.  So what was it - did the weight change their original personality or was their personality always like that but they had to compensate for the weight (if that makes any sense)?  To become new, how much of yourself has to change?  And does it have to change? I would like to think it wouldn't change, that a person would be that much in tune with their true personality or their true self to keep who they are if they changed what they looked like/how much they weighed, but maybe it is one of those things that unless you do it, you can't say for certain.  Do I want some "new" aspects of myself? Absolutely.  I could stand to lose 20 - 40 pounds probably.  But do I really want to? No.  I like food.  I hate exercise.  And honestly, guys that I actually meet don't seem to mind my weight (I think it is probably my craziness that turns them away - I am a believer in not hiding the crazy when meeting people).  So I don't mind the weight.  Do I want a "new" look? I always want a new look and I usually go out and get that new look.  That happens quite often with me so not really a big deal.  I am pretty sure with me, I don't want a new me, I just want to improve on elements of myself without losing the originality of myself.  

I always resolve that this year will be better than the last year, but in all honesty, shit happens and you can't control it.  I have a roof over my head, I have a job that puts money in my bank account and I have a plan.  Well, I usually always have some sort of a resemblance of a plan, and then the plan takes detours and then I have to scale a mountain or drop over a cliff and I find myself turned completely around but eventually, I will get back to my plan.  And that is the way the year works.  You go with it and you take things as they happen.   And if you want a "new" you, have at 'er.  All the world to you! Just don't lose your awesomeness in the process.  

Moral of this blog:  F*#k it and don't feel the need to be "new".  Be yourself.  Be awesome.  Be who you are in this world and own it.  Me, I'm pretty awesome and I am going to be feel it more this year.