I am not sure if it is because I am more aware of it, or that the medical and sports fields are starting to realize the effects, but lately in the news, there has been a lot of talk about concussions and dealing with the same. Which is good. Why you ask? Because they suck, and I can tell you from experience. If I had a flux capacitor, I would go back in time and either dodge to the side prior to the spike or not sub at all that night I got my concussion.
This is basically exactly what happened to me. Just add some glasses that went flying off (I still maintain that if I wasn't wearing my glasses, the damage would have been greater as once the ball hit my glasses, it change trajectory) and some blood pouring down onto the floor from both nostrils. Oh yeah, it was quite amazing of a pass from the face. And out of all my years of playing, going on like 19 years of playing at the time it happened, that was around the 2nd time I have taken a ball to the face. I am pretty sure the first time I got hit in the face I had a concussion a well, but it was back in the day and people didn't really think getting hit in the face/head was a big deal.
The Event/Immediate Effects
So I got hit in the face. Hard. On a Thursday night (which will make sense later on). If you know volleyball terms, we were playing a way more talented team that the team I was playing with. The middle blocker wasn't that smart at reading the plays. The team I was subbing with played 6 up. And the play was a shoot set to the power and bam, when it is a free for all and I am basically sitting up at attack line, I didn't even see it happen. A comedy of errors. And yes, I blame myself because I should have seen it happen since if I was the setter, I would have done the same thing. I just honestly had no time to react to the play as it happened so fast. After taking the ball to the face, cleaned up the blood, took some tylenol and went back to playing. I had a headache but that was to be expected, but no other problems or symptoms so I didn't think twice about going to get checked out that night or being more cognizant of what could happen.
I got home, had a shower, popped a couple more Tylenol and went to bed. Woke up and felt okay, minus the headache, but again, no other symptoms. So I went to work, did my normal duties, got home, fell asleep fairly early and went on with my life. Again, no other problems except for the headache. However, Sunday night I go and watch a friend play in a Battle of the Bands event. It is loud. It is stuffy. And halfway through the night, I start feeling like crap. And when I say crap, I mean like, the drunkest I have ever been, and I didn't have a single drink. I felt like it was hard to walk, like I couldn't walk in a straight line, my head was pounding, I felt like I was going to vomit. It was bad. And it hit me instantly. Driving home (probably not the smartest idea), I thought it was because I was lightheaded from not eating very much between Saturday and Sunday so I stopped at a McDonalds to see if getting some grease and food in my system would help. And nope, it didn't. I didn't even finish what I bought as I was feeling that crappy.
I wake up and head to work the next day, Monday, and again, feel like crap. Still dizzy. Still nauseous. Still have a massive headache. Throw up occasionally throughout the day. And can't form thoughts really; I am pretty sure I wasn't making any sense at work and people were giving me the side eye like I was having a stroke throughout the day. So I decide that after that night, if I wake up Tuesday and I still feel like crap, I will head to the hospital to get checked out. Go home, go to bed, and wake up and yep, still feel like crap. Thankfully the dizziness was at a minimum so I could drive to the hospital but everything else hurt. Any noise, lights, smells. Nothing was sitting well with me. Get to the hospital and thankfully didn't have to wait for too long to get back in and see the doctor. Tell the nurse why I am there and then chill on a bed, waiting for the doctor. He comes in and does a neurological exam (checks my vision, hearing, balance and strength, coordination and reflexes) and then asks me what happened. So I tell him and when he asks me if I lost consciousness, I told him no. Now, for all of you reading this - always say you lost consciousness, even if you didn't. Why you ask? Well because I have a feeling I would have been taken way more seriously if I said I had lost consciousness. Instead, as soon as I told him I didn't, I felt like in his brain, the severity of what happened to me and what I could experience was lessened drastically. So he tells me that he doesn't think I need a CT scan but that I did have a moderate concussion and should go on brain rest for the rest of the week. He gives me some anti-nausea medication, and a doctors note and sends me on my way home. And commence the week of brain rest. Which is brutal. You basically have to lay in the dark with no noise or no stimulation to the brain. Thankfully this go at the brain rest, I just slept. Or listened to score music but I could not sit there with no noise and in the darkness. Talk about exacerbating the depression symptoms and driving yourself bonkers.
The Right-After-The-Event Effects
Once I got back to work from the week of brain rest, I was a mess. My moods were all over the place, my sanity was all over the place and my physical health was all over the place.
I had headaches on a daily, basically hourly, basis. I had to get all the lights dimmed around my desk as they would hurt my head. The slightest of noises just irritated the hell of out me and staring at a computer screen all day long caused feelings of nausea and dizziness. I felt constantly tired and foggy in the brain and felt like it took me so long to understand what people were telling me or I had to take some time to remember what a task was or something like that.
And then mentally, I felt like crap. They say that post concussion symptoms and depression symptoms feed off of each other and I can attest to that. For the first couple of months, every day when I went home from work I cried. I had to stop myself from crying at work some days in fact - I just felt so tired and exhausted at trying to work while struggling. And I constantly felt like no one cared about what was happening and that what I was experiencing was nothing because I didn't have blatant, physical indicators of the pain I was feeling and that caused more internal anger and frustration which would then cause a bigger headache to happen. I think it is because people can understand you if you say you have allergies, or if you are going through a depressive or anxious moment - those are known and common feelings that most people can understand. Trying to tell someone that my brain was exploding from the inside and I felt like death every waking moment and couldn't get rid of the feelings no matter what I did, it was pointless. I was irritated at everything - my work, when people talked to me, my feelings. I was a walking pile of irritation that would never leave. And basically, anything I felt or did caused a headache. And there were some days I would get home and crawl into bed and just go to sleep because I couldn't do anything else. Some days I did not want to wake up and live with the mental and physical pain anymore. Or the hopelessness that I would ever have a pain-free day. There were some days I wanted to jam my letter opened into my brain to see if that would stop the pain. There were some days that I could cry all day long because everything felt dark and hopeless. I didn't experience one pain-free day those first couple of months after I got the concussion. It sucked.
I was playing 4 nights of volleyball when it happened, so then I dropped down to 2 nights once I could get my headaches until control. Going out was basically a no-go as a) I couldn't function basically after 6pm and b) any sort of loud noise would trigger a headache. Thankfully my friends were pretty understanding of the limitations I had but it still did not help the overall picture of my quality of life.
Dealing with the Medical System Effects
Dealing with our health care system with this concussion has had its trials and tribulations. Again, I feel that since a) I didn't lose consciousness and b) I didn't get a concussion from football or hockey or boxing, the doctors don't feel like it is a serious problem. I also felt like they were looking at me like I was trying to score some of the good pain medications for my headaches. I felt judged every time I went to see a doctor about my symptoms.
It was not fine. I finally got put on some medication to reduce the post concussion symptoms and they helped for a while but then the usefulness decreased and trying to ask for a different kind of medication was aggravating and got me no where. Everything about discussing my concussion symptoms with the health care professionals was like pulling teeth and getting judged. It was ridiculous.
The Post-Concussion Symptoms/Effects
It has been almost 2 years since the concussion. So people naturally assume that I am all good and life is swell. Well, it is for the most part, but I still have struggles and symptoms of the concussion. And that is when people say "surely, you can't be serious? it has been 2 years" and to this I say
I will tell you in point form basically how I have to live my life right now to avoid any severe post-concussion symptoms:
- When playing volleyball, which yes, I still do, I need to drink a lot of water. And I mean a lot of water. Even if it is a simple game, I need to drink a lot of water. And usually take some Tylenol and Advil in between the games. I am not as good as a defensive player anymore as I am afraid of getting hit in the head again so if we play against a really good hard hitting team and the block on the power side isn't strong, I am backing way up so that way I am not a sitting duck. If I have a slight headache I will still play, but I will pay for it the next day. If I have any dizziness, I bail because that just won't be good and if I have any nausea I bail. I don't sub either before or after my games as playing 2 games is more than my head can handle.
- I have cut down on my drinking, which makes me sound like an alcoholic but I am not. Before I used to love beer and drink beer but now beer gives me a headache and crappy feeling. I found that gin is the only alcohol that doesn't make me want to stab myself in the head or fall down with dizziness or nausea. I also can't have a drink if I am tired or already have a headache as that will exacerbate the headache.
- Going to the movies is precarious - if I have a headache, I can't go. If I have a hint of a headache, I can only go to a movie that won't have explosions or loud noises or flashing lights. I remember I went and saw the Star Wars movie a couple months after the concussion and I felt like my brain was having tiny explosions - I was in pain. I have to really watch what movies I choose to go see in the theatre and if my brain will be able it.
- At work, my lights are still turned down around my desk and I know it will be a headache day if I feel like the lights are brighter than other days. Also, my sense of smell can trigger headaches so at work, on random days, certain smells will exacerbate the headache. And I still need to take brain breaks, especially if I am working on revising a document or doing a lot of thinking.
- I am still in bed around 8:30 or 9. I find that my energy level by the time I get home is pretty low and I am exhausted. There are no longer nights where I can leave my house around 10 to be social. Most of my friends know that my bedtime is around 9 so we make sure whatever
plans we have will be long done before then. And even though I don't get a good quality of sleep, if I don't get more than 4 hours of "brain rest", then I am a zombie the next day. And am nauseous and dizzy and cranky. I used to be able to function just fine on limited sleep and now, the bed makes its unhappiness known when I don't get sleep. - I am tired, all the time. I don't run off of all cylinders like I used to and some days, I have zero clarity in the brain and have no idea what people are talking about. And I get tired easily - people tired, environment tired, work tired, just tired.
- Driving tires me out easily. I used to be able to drive for a long time without having any adverse effects and now, when I drive home, by the time I get home, I am done for the day. I am exhausted and tired and will most likely have a headache.
- Some days, just out of the blue, I will get a wave of dizziness or nausea and usually will stay home on those days. Thankfully they haven't happened very often but it does. I have tried to track eating habits, weather patterns, menstruation patterns and I can't come up with anything specific that triggers it but most likely it is work related in that I was thinking too much or staring at my computer screen too much without taking breaks.
- When cross stitching, I have to take frequent breaks to rest my eyes and brain. I used to be able to cross stitch for long periods of time, sometimes never taking a break, but now, I have to, which means I don't get as much done in a period of time that I used to.
- I had to change all the teas that I used to drink - anything black based gives me a headache, anything creamy based gives me a headache and anything with a lot of caffeine gives me a headache. My tea selection is very limited now because of what my brain does and does not like. It was sad when I realized I couldn't drink any of my favorite teas anymore.
Concussions suck. The after effects suck. And people who don't truly understand what I am going through suck. It isn't as simple as 'give it time' or 'drink more water', or x, y and z suggestions on what to do when the person doesn't have an inkling of what is happening.
Moral of this blog: 1) F*#k it and don’t get a concussion. Easier said than done in some instances but if you do get a concussion, be vocal about what you need from our healthcare system as they don't appear to want to help you out on their own; and 2) F*#k it and be understanding of people who are going through concussion symptoms. Don't automatically write them off because they "appear" to be functioning. Trust me, they are going through a struggle and having people not care or belittle their symptoms makes matters worse.
