Monday, January 25, 2016

Be the Awesome, Amazing, Badass Person that You Are.

The very first line of the book Gone With the Wind is "Scarlett O'Hara was not beautiful, but men seldom realized it when caught by her charm as the Tarleton twins were". However, if you watched the movie, the actress they got to portray Scarlett is/was gorgeous.  So if that was how Margaret Mitchell portrayed Scarlett in the book, how come Hollywood didn't portray her as such in the film?  

Because society sucks when it comes to looks.  Plain and simple. 

I grew up with 2 older sisters who are gorgeous.  And skinny/fit.  And then there is me.  Who is none of the above.  And you know what, most days, I am okay with that.  Those days that I am not okay with it, well those are tough days.  Especially when we live in a superficial society.  If you don't belong to a gym/workout, you have a mark against you.  If you are in the double digits for clothing size, you have a mark against you.  If you like eating, you have a mark against you.  If you have no thigh gap, you have a mark against you.  (These are all things that have arised from living in Calgary - not saying the rest of the world is like this).  And I am highly skeptical of those guys out there who say they like curvy women because I have a feeling when push comes to shove, if there was a skinny woman and a curvy woman standing in front of them, they would pick the skinny woman.  Which is okay.  Just don't say you like curvy woman.  Sympathy is not going to do any good.  It almost feels like pity.  And I don't want or need pity for the way I look.  If you don't like the way I look that is fine because it means you don't get any of my awesomeness.  And I am pretty awesome.  

It is hard going through life not feeling attractive.  And when people tell you 'if you exude confidence/attractiveness, then you will feel it' but how can you exude it if you don't know what it feels like?  I will admit it - my self esteem/self confidence could use a make over, but it is getting better.  It is a lot better than what it used to be.  Why? Because I just don't give a fuck anymore.  Plain and simple.  Growing up, I was teased/bullied about my looks; I was called fat and ugly and worthless.  One person even told me that I shouldn't be alive because nobody would ever want me.  Guys would 1) comment on how pretty/attractive my sisters are and then 2) give me the side eye and either walk away or (and some guys actually had the balls to do this) ask me why I wasn't as pretty as they were.  Hearing that time and time again, it starts wearing you down.  And then you start questioning people who do think you are attractive.  Or you start finding it hard to take a compliment because they are so few and far between.  And you start looking at yourself in the mirror as what people have told you what you are.  Ugly.  Unattractive.  Fat.  Worthless.  
But no more.  Why?  Because I just don't care.  I don't want to be one of those girls who spends an hour getting ready in the morning.  I don't want to feel the need to have to wear makeup or make sure my hair is perfect in order to attract guys or leave the house in the morning.  I feel pretty when I don't wear makeup or when the hair is up in a messy bun or when the hair is in complete disarray of curls.  If I meet a guy and I am wearing makeup and whatnot, in the morning, when I wake up, I pull the coyote ugly look and that will never change.  He doesn't need that type of shock to the system that early in the morning.  The way I see it, if I find a guy who likes me for what I look like when I am just plain ol' me, I will knock his socks off when I actually do put effort into my looks.  But I really don't see why I need to do that from the getgo.  What would he be in love with then - me or the masked me?  Would he start loving me less if I wore make up less and less?  Seriously, what type of love is that?    

As I have gotten older, I have learned which people to surround myself with. Not the assholes, idiots, or stupidheads of the world.  Not the self obsessed, absorbed or superficial people of the world.  I know I could never land a Brad Pitt, a David Beckam or a Channing Tatum.  So why bother trying and letting myself feel like an unattractive failure in the meantime.  I surround myself with people who appreciate me for me.  I have met a couple of guys who have outwardly told me that I shouldn't lose any weight because what I am is perfect (in their eyes) and that makes me feel wonderful to hear.  When I have met some guys who have been with size 0's but choose to spend time with me instead, I feel like I am walking on a cloud.  There needs to be more people like that out there.  I am not a size zero.  I am not even a size 10.  I have hips.  I have boobs.  I have crazy hair that does what it wants and doesn't want to be controlled.  I don't wear makeup.  I get acne (still - *shakes fist at acne*).  It doesn't mean that I am fat.  It doesn't mean that I am unattractive.  It doesn't mean I am unhealthy.  It just means that there is a lot more of my awesomeness and I look like me and not somebody I am trying to be.    

So don't ever let anyone tell you that you are fat or unattractive or worthless.  Don't ever let anyone make you think you less than what you are.  It is a horrible feeling and nobody should have that power over you.  Be you. Be whatever you you are and be happy and proud of that.  

My suggestion - do either one of these every day: 

Moral of this blog:  F*#k It and love yourself, all of yourself, every aspect of yourself. Don't listen to the stupidheads out there who put you down because they are stupidheads.  Plain and simple.  

Tuesday, January 12, 2016

When life gets you down, you underwear dance!!!

Life gets hectic and stressful.  If you say it doesn't, you are a liar.  And everyone has their own way of dealing with the hecticness and stressfulness.  Some people drink.  Some people do drugs.  Some people run.  Some people workout.  

Me, I underwear dance.  

There is nothing more freeing than shedding some of your clothes, get into the comfy underwear and tank top and just dance to your heart's content.  No one is there to judge you for how you look or the music you are listening to or the fact that you are underwear dancing.  It is a total selfish and wonderful act.  And something that everybody should do.  

I think the nudists are onto something about shedding the clothes.  When I get home, the first thing I do is get out of my work clothes.  It is like shedding the day away and getting into something that is comfier, more me and just happier.  It is a simple act that makes me forget about work and allows me to focus on what I have to get done for that night.  And do it in comfy clothes.  However, I am not sure if dancing nude versus dancing in your underwear will be different.  To me, that is a huge difference.  You gotta go with your comfort level.  

You can underwear dance for many reasons.  The list is endless really but here are my reasons as to why I underwear dance:

  • crappy day at work
  • some boy doesn't text back 
  • feel like the world is crashing around me
  • life just sucks 
It doesn't really matter why.  Hell, you can even do it when you are in a good mood.  It doesn't much matter.  Why?  Cause this is for you.  And only you.  Unless you decide to share this moment with somebody, then it can be two fools dancing around in your underwear.  Cause I will warn you now, when you dance around in your underwear, feeling free and unhindered by life's troubles, you will dance however you want to.  And that could mean looking like a fool.  But a free fool.  Which is the best fool there is out there.  

I don't think there have been any empirical studies done on the effects of underwear dancing on one's mood but I can tell you from personal experience, it helps tremendously.  I always feel better after underwear dancing.  It just makes things happier.  

The music can make a difference as to what/why you are dancing.  Here is a list of some of my favorite songs to underwear dance to:
  • Hate My Life by Theory of a Deadman
  • She is Beautiful by Andrew W.K. 
  • Footloose by Kenny Loggins
  • Dog Days are Over by Glee Cast 
  • Try by Pink 
  • Papa was a Rolling Stone by the Temptations
  • Edge of Seventeen by Stevie Nicks 
  • Animal by Neon Trees
  • I'm Only Joking by Kongos 
  • Stolen Dance by Milky Chance 
and many many more.  The list is endless.  It is whatever the music is speaking to you at that moment.  Or why you are underwear dancing.  Dancing (and singing at the top of your lungs to) Hate my Life by Theory of a Deadman is the best form of underwear dancing there is.  Just don't sing at the top of your lungs if you have upstairs neighbors or roommates.  They may not appreciate or understand what you are doing.  

Dancing is a wonderful form of therapy.  When I worked at the jail, on some of the days we got done the actual 'therapy' part of the music and art group, I would put on a song and we would just dance to is and the guys loved it.  It was a moment for them to forget they were in jail and just enjoy being in the moment.  And I loved it because they were happy.  And that is what dancing is - a form of happiness.  And legit happiness.  And doesn't cost that much.  Or require that much.  So everyone should do it.  Everyone.  

Moral of this blog:  F*#k It and underwear dance as much as you want.  It doesn't hurt anybody and it is a fuckload of fun.  And therapeutic.