Monday, January 25, 2016

Be the Awesome, Amazing, Badass Person that You Are.

The very first line of the book Gone With the Wind is "Scarlett O'Hara was not beautiful, but men seldom realized it when caught by her charm as the Tarleton twins were". However, if you watched the movie, the actress they got to portray Scarlett is/was gorgeous.  So if that was how Margaret Mitchell portrayed Scarlett in the book, how come Hollywood didn't portray her as such in the film?  

Because society sucks when it comes to looks.  Plain and simple. 

I grew up with 2 older sisters who are gorgeous.  And skinny/fit.  And then there is me.  Who is none of the above.  And you know what, most days, I am okay with that.  Those days that I am not okay with it, well those are tough days.  Especially when we live in a superficial society.  If you don't belong to a gym/workout, you have a mark against you.  If you are in the double digits for clothing size, you have a mark against you.  If you like eating, you have a mark against you.  If you have no thigh gap, you have a mark against you.  (These are all things that have arised from living in Calgary - not saying the rest of the world is like this).  And I am highly skeptical of those guys out there who say they like curvy women because I have a feeling when push comes to shove, if there was a skinny woman and a curvy woman standing in front of them, they would pick the skinny woman.  Which is okay.  Just don't say you like curvy woman.  Sympathy is not going to do any good.  It almost feels like pity.  And I don't want or need pity for the way I look.  If you don't like the way I look that is fine because it means you don't get any of my awesomeness.  And I am pretty awesome.  

It is hard going through life not feeling attractive.  And when people tell you 'if you exude confidence/attractiveness, then you will feel it' but how can you exude it if you don't know what it feels like?  I will admit it - my self esteem/self confidence could use a make over, but it is getting better.  It is a lot better than what it used to be.  Why? Because I just don't give a fuck anymore.  Plain and simple.  Growing up, I was teased/bullied about my looks; I was called fat and ugly and worthless.  One person even told me that I shouldn't be alive because nobody would ever want me.  Guys would 1) comment on how pretty/attractive my sisters are and then 2) give me the side eye and either walk away or (and some guys actually had the balls to do this) ask me why I wasn't as pretty as they were.  Hearing that time and time again, it starts wearing you down.  And then you start questioning people who do think you are attractive.  Or you start finding it hard to take a compliment because they are so few and far between.  And you start looking at yourself in the mirror as what people have told you what you are.  Ugly.  Unattractive.  Fat.  Worthless.  
But no more.  Why?  Because I just don't care.  I don't want to be one of those girls who spends an hour getting ready in the morning.  I don't want to feel the need to have to wear makeup or make sure my hair is perfect in order to attract guys or leave the house in the morning.  I feel pretty when I don't wear makeup or when the hair is up in a messy bun or when the hair is in complete disarray of curls.  If I meet a guy and I am wearing makeup and whatnot, in the morning, when I wake up, I pull the coyote ugly look and that will never change.  He doesn't need that type of shock to the system that early in the morning.  The way I see it, if I find a guy who likes me for what I look like when I am just plain ol' me, I will knock his socks off when I actually do put effort into my looks.  But I really don't see why I need to do that from the getgo.  What would he be in love with then - me or the masked me?  Would he start loving me less if I wore make up less and less?  Seriously, what type of love is that?    

As I have gotten older, I have learned which people to surround myself with. Not the assholes, idiots, or stupidheads of the world.  Not the self obsessed, absorbed or superficial people of the world.  I know I could never land a Brad Pitt, a David Beckam or a Channing Tatum.  So why bother trying and letting myself feel like an unattractive failure in the meantime.  I surround myself with people who appreciate me for me.  I have met a couple of guys who have outwardly told me that I shouldn't lose any weight because what I am is perfect (in their eyes) and that makes me feel wonderful to hear.  When I have met some guys who have been with size 0's but choose to spend time with me instead, I feel like I am walking on a cloud.  There needs to be more people like that out there.  I am not a size zero.  I am not even a size 10.  I have hips.  I have boobs.  I have crazy hair that does what it wants and doesn't want to be controlled.  I don't wear makeup.  I get acne (still - *shakes fist at acne*).  It doesn't mean that I am fat.  It doesn't mean that I am unattractive.  It doesn't mean I am unhealthy.  It just means that there is a lot more of my awesomeness and I look like me and not somebody I am trying to be.    

So don't ever let anyone tell you that you are fat or unattractive or worthless.  Don't ever let anyone make you think you less than what you are.  It is a horrible feeling and nobody should have that power over you.  Be you. Be whatever you you are and be happy and proud of that.  

My suggestion - do either one of these every day: 

Moral of this blog:  F*#k It and love yourself, all of yourself, every aspect of yourself. Don't listen to the stupidheads out there who put you down because they are stupidheads.  Plain and simple.  

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