I am the type of person that I don't like change - its panics me, causes anxiety and I feel like my whole life gets turned topsy-turvy. And it could be the simple things, like walking to the bus stop. If I go down a different road, I panic as I have now changed my normal routine. I would be a serial killer's favorite victim as I do everything the same, no variety. Yet I hate sameness. I need variety, but change is too hard for me to handle. And yes, you are reading the words of the person who has moved to a different country twice. If that isn't the ultimate change, I don't know what is. But that is a different change.
That is a /crazy/fearless/"am I friggin stupid for doing this??!!"/ change.
I have the word 'fearless' tattooed down my spine. I would have never attributed that adjective to my personality, in fact it was probably at the opposite spectrum of the words I used to use to describe myself. However, someone once thought it was worth mentioning that they saw me as 'fearless' and since then, it has been a way of life for me. (But let's not confuse being fearless as not being afraid of anything - totally different. And it is logical to be afraid of mascots. I can still be fearless even though I am afraid of mascots. Or butterflies). Being fearless gives me that final push to do something that I would naturally shy away from and stay within my bubble.
Like moving to the States. Twice. Without knowing a single soul where I was moving. Or knowing anything about where I was moving.
I remember picking up my keys to my place in DC. The rental agency people were a) flabbergasted and b) concerned when I told them I just landed from travelling from Alberta, Canada. When they asked if I knew anybody or anything like that and I told them no, the look between them almost said 'this woman is crazy and she won't last a day here since she is so naive and green'. I just smiled and told them that things will be alright and went on my merry way. And I had to keep telling me that things were going to be okay the entire day as I had many of those moments when I asked myself 'what the fuck am I doing??!!' and I have never regretted that decision.
Stepping outside your bubble is an amazing thing. A hard thing, absolutely, but amazing. And it can be in the simpliest of ways. It can be letting people hear your real laughter or saying those puns that crack you up and laughing at your own puns. Not being so prim and proper and stepping outside those societal rules (like talking about cannibalism or bestiality - not sure why I like those conversations...) I wear crazy socks at volleyball. This week, I wore 3 different socks and people commented on them all night. And I would smile when they said they loved my socks. I looked so different compared to a lot of the players who just wore simple (boring) white socks. I don't know many people who could rock the 3-different-sock look.
Stepping outside your bubble can also mean being more independent. When I first broke up with my ex, I didn't want to do anything on my own. The prospect of going out to eat by myself had my anxiety through the roof. But then I said fuck it, and decided that if I had to wait for people to do stuff with, I may never leave my house. So I did it. And guess what - I survived. I didn't get kicked out for eating by myself. Nobody made fun of me when I asked for a table for 1. I didn't get people pointing, staring and laughing at me. All those scenerios were in my head and not realistic. Now, I love eating by myself. I will bring my book and just enjoy the food, my book and the people around me. You should not have to wait for people if you want to do something. If I can do it, you can do it. Trust me.
I can completely understand the comforts of one's bubble as that used to be my zone and I would not stray from it. But that first step I took outside my bubble, the world changed. I changed. And all for the better. I started finding myself, my independence and being fearless. And now my bubble, it is still there and ready for me whenever I need some calmness and quietness in my life, but I am finding that more and more, that bubble is shrinking and the world is getting bigger and bigger for all the possibilities, opportunities and experiences that are out there. Sorry bubble, you can't compete with the world.
Moral of this blog: F*#k it and step outside your bubble. Experience something new, something you have always wanted to do (unless it is bestiality or cannibalism, then I need to advise against it). Your bubble will always be there but some experiences are a once in a lifetime. Don't let your bubble hold you back.